What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?

I can finally talk about this I'm pretty Anonymous here but I was literally traded at one point for two cartons of milk one day too a guy four cells down but when you have been knocked out cold and realize how vulnerable you are you do what you have to do to survive. I did not have some sort of a secret gay fantasy of being raped in jail , There is a big difference between a fantasy and being truly vulnerable being forced to do something that is humiliating degrading dehumanizing they were Alpha Men and I was a betta boy and they made it clear to me what I was to do to survive in there .

As in May I please suck your XXXXXXXXX as they would laugh and Snicker and call me names they would often say ask again and make it nicer do it now fag or blow boy punching laughing but every single time without one instance every time I was always disrobed,

my cellmate was the one that would bring me back to the same cell I would have to sleep with in and he would have me throughout the night four months of that I only got finally put into solitary the last 4 weeks I was assaulted by the third night I was there so do the math, not a day passed i was not orally raped by at least two men but it was only a few times of just two men it was most always 4 men and my cell mate. I lost count of how many times I was forced to perform oral on all four of those men to this day I think there was different men at different times I don't think it was the same four all the time. I believe firmly that some of them traded their position in that Circle for food or cigarettes.

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there was two other guys that were used the same way as I was, I wasn't the only one but I was definitely the youngest and the prettiest I had long blond hair smooth skin hairless body a petite frame my rectum was constantly in threat I was told I had better do an excellent job at what I was doing on my knees because my backside looked very pleasing to them and they would just assume have that many times it was poked and probed back there only to have me beg them to please let me do the oral and show them I could be good and do it right for them and to please not rape me anally I was firmly slapped and punched for using the word rape, I was forced to use the term be a scuk boy to or give myself to as a way for them to have fun they would force me to ask them to allow me to offer myself oraly to them.

Then these big tough straight guys supposedly straight, though they sure did like me and they were so fucking straight!? while one would be probing my rear end with his finger waiting for his turn pushing on the back of my head into his buddies crotch Always threatening to take my v-card they immediately picked up on that was what was most important to me and would use that as a constant threat in order to have me at my best on my knees.

I had an alibi I had receipts from a NAPA store with time-stamped on the receipts buying parts on the other side of town exactly when this took place as well I was in my overalls covered in grease from my head to my toe and they claimed it was obviously apparent that I had smeared the grease on my face to make it look like I was working on the car in order to give myself a physical Alibi well it was smeared on me because it was, i was working on a greesing ass car,

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it destroyed my young life and my old one too. as I was getting out on my own it was devastating it tarnished the view of me in other people that I valued and considered important in my young adult life many people permanently distanced themselves from me from that point on and I didn't get anything back from the state or the county I just had to pick up and move on. Not an apology nothing and it remained on my record until 20 years later when I had to petition the state Governor to have it expunged even though it was dismissed without prejudice it still is showing on the record as a past suspicion. It shows up as a violent crime with a gun and to this day it's still is there it still shows up in NCIC. And that detective got to go on and retire and collect his pension and who knows how many other people he railroaded in his career I'm certain I wasn't his first. But that all is so destructive but that was the best of it,

When I was just the age of 20 in Colorado I had been booked and held in jail for a major felony for something I had no knowledge of had no clue about I wasn't around it I didn't know the people I didn't know anything about it, but they booked me solely on a baseball hat nothing else. Get this, the gun shop owner that was pistol-whipped and robbed even said when he looked at my mugshot that I wasn't the guy be still held me and when you were driving through the neighborhoods I guess they happened to spot me while driving around looking for the guys that did this were on foot, they saw me by 1 baseball cap I was wearing apparently seven or eight blocks away from this shop that got robbed and old police capt owner got pistol whipped these cops pulled me out of my yard while I was under a Volvo working on an engine. The Detectives in the station we're overheard and recorded saying

don't make me tell you again I said look me in the eyes faggot. , what's the question does the faggot want to suck me now or NO he wants it up the ass like all faggots want it! well lets give him what he needs then only to have me beg them not to, and laghter from other cells as they heard this every day.

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and then the next mans turn his last words after 10 min of him would be I'm”IM GOING TO PAINT THE FACE BOYS”

I know this, if that detective hadn't had a heart attack a few years ago I might have still wanted to track him down and shoot him from afar.

in my begging and pleading as they instructed me to do so they literally would make me ask for it and plead for it and only then would i be spared being ass raped

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oh and the final insult was always look up at them never ever take my eyes off their eyes I learned that the hard way the very first night it was a term that was used around the block look him in the eye or he's going to be looking you in the eye tonight isn't he or you'll be seeing his eyes tonight won't you or you better keep your eyes open tonight .

it was always in the dimly-lit area of somebody's cell never the shower the shower was overseen by the guards and was constantly busy with all the inmates using it yet I don't think that would have stopped the abuse either way. They just would have had to share me more.

one guard witnessed it and snickered and laughed as he walked by while the one man was in my mouth holding my head with all his might saying “suck it i said suck it blow boy and the with both of his hands holding my head with all his might the other three standing around me half disrobed exposed laughing back at the Gard as he walked by the guard saying now go easy on him boys go easy, Them saying all giddy like “ Oh we are we are he is having lost of fun” oh they didn't go easy not at all, that truly seem to empower them and make them bolder my character and my demeanor permanently changed that day I was never the same the world looks different I see people differently the people that knew me closest said I was a completely different person once I came out of there I was damn lucky not to have AIDS as that was the height of the AIDS epidemic the old stories of the young boy being passed around in this case in this Colorado County Jail was all too real and very true there were no cameras like there is today there was no real oversight and most of the area they were all allowed to run free as all the cells remaind open during the day I was literally taken and watched by the guards as i was marched by force right by the Guard Station as I was calling out to them to please help they just ignored me and we're watching TV . all they heard after that was just the loud orders of them verbally instructing me to ‘ SUCK HIS FUCKING COCK BOY YEA THERE YA GO SUCK IT I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING LOOK ME IN THE EYES WHEN YOU SUCK MY COCK BOY DONT YOU MAKE ME HAVE TO TELL YOU AGAIN FAGGOT- FUCK FUCK LIKE THAT YEA IM GOING TO COAT THE THROAT BOYS”

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and then the next man for 10 or more min of the same or worse use.

"well if he didn't do this one you damn well can be sure he did something else worse I'm sure he's done something in the past so it's a good one either way"

I had a pristine history nothing in my past not a ticket nothing I didn't exist in the system. no motive for the crime That was supposed to be I had committed and I sat in jail for 4 months waiting to clear my name it cost me two jobs cost me the house that I was living in cuz I couldn't pay rent anymore cost me a lot of my belongings that got thrown out because the storage shed wouldn't hold them anymore because nobody could pay for it. Lost my scholarship to UW.

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But why were they so angry? Why so angry at me? what had i ever done to any of them? Do they remember what they did today? Do they lose sleep thinking of what they did to me hearing me gag and dad and cry, and force me to suck and laugh and cheer and spit, why so angry. What did i ever do to them other than suck their huge members? was i a woman in their eyes as one would call me bitch or say open that mouth pussy of yours and you have soft hair like my GF, and why the humiliation of always always having to be fully disrobed, they never once were naked, only just unbuttoned front of the jail uniforms all orange. but i was forced to be fully naked. If there are any past felons or jailed men here would you please chime in and explain the headspace it takes to do this to a fellow guy who is straight, as apposed to they would not do this on the outside, or would they? please tell me what it was that would make it ok in their minds to take my mouth every day multiple times a day to laugh to call me names to look me in the eyes crying while they rammed it into my mouth making me swallow and if i did not the results were not good so of course, I swallowed. Today i have not had sex with a woman and i can only equte sex with a degree of violence and me subject to a non-consent kind of vibe, of course, i would be stimulated as a young man i was often erect for a moment but as soon as the violence would commence i was not. a few times i was forced to masturbate while my cellmate looked on and then rubbed it in my face. Was this just the norm and is it still like this today?

these men were not shy about what they were doing they would constantly be yelling out on top of their lungs who wants a turn who wants a turn even though the jail cells were closed and locked for the afternoon the sound of all of them yelling back they want their turn with a constant constant horrifying threat as I said I believe to this day that may have well been more than a dozen men you kind of get a sense of the size of men after so many times them being in your mouth. And the difference in taste and smell this is all a very real true account. I was spit on all the time and a couple of times they urinated on me, and would take turns deciding on whether it was going to be paint his face or coat his throat if it was coat his throat the threat of retaliation immediately if every last drop wasn't swallowed when he climaxed these weren't young teenagers they were in shape huge men that were insane angry animals, who would take upwards of 10 12 minutes at times longer of consistent oral stimulation in order to climax many times many times not climaxing the first cycle getting back in line to return again only to be I think stimulated by the other guys causing me to choke and gag and beg. you don't think that this was the most humiliating and degrading dehumanizing time of a young mans life but I kept my v-card though!! and somehow that seemed like the most important thing , I survived and I kept my virginity rectally, in group therapy many years still having some guys say they would much rather have lost their rectal v card and never voluntarily gone to their knees saying they would rather be forcibly raped then to cooperate, I don't see how that's realistic in real life some of these guys were so gigantic I would have been needing stitches easily, I guess to each to their own dehumanizing choices, Given your life might depend on it, sure a few times their fingers probed my anus up in there maybe a little bit more than probed but I was never taken as in you would imagine it to be as in held down and penetratively raped, having my rear end pierced and that I feel like is the Survivor part I'm still a man if they had done that I'm not sure if I would have survived afterward.

\I had to spend 4 months in county jail with real criminals ik lost 45 pounds while in there from not eating well and the abuse, I was forced to go to my knees and perform oral non-consensual oral on four-plus BIG dudes countless times, every day i was there I lost count literally after the first 9 days i lostg all sense of time at day 9 until I finally snitched and then got thrown into solitary basically I was punished for being forced to give oral on these jailhouse rapists.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

I was flat out given the choice to get on my knees or lay on my stomach and take it up the ass.. And before I was forced to make that decision I was punched in the side of the head knocked out cold and then when I came to in the infirmary naked and smelling of the stench of piss. i was returned to my cell the next night was when I was informed that that will happen again and they will take what they want while I'm knocked out on my stomach or I can get on my knees and cooperate I got punched in the face multiple times , until i was stripped and started to be held down and i finally said i would do it, the first time i had ever sucked a man was that eve and was punched because they felt my teeth I was a straight kid and not a very big kid by no means big enough to handle himself in jail. You don't think that PTSD is set in even to this day. my cellmate was one of the perpetrators the worst of it was the four men using me in the way that they did so with much enthusiasm and freedom. , NOT one day not a single day went by that i was not sucking another man to climax, but I had to take care of My cell mate and his bro or sidekick at minimum at least twice a day, early before lights on and in lockdown when the doors were slid closed I was forced to orally serve him multiple times at night before morning call and sometimes around 2 in the morning as well.